Q&A: What are some reasons the State would allow a little girl to be all alone, her siblings adopted without her?

Question by amyhpete: What are some reasons the State would allow a little girl to be all alone, her siblings adopted without her?
I am not in a position to adopt Elizabeth, financially, and I accept that. I do hope someone in our state will adopt her so she does not have to wait. However, if my fortunes change radically in a short time, and they may with some things I have going, I hope I can get my husband on board with it (and I think I can). We have a 19 year old son, whom I believe would be moved out before she moved in, as well as a 16 year old daughter and 9 year old son.


But she looks like she does not have any serious issues, and the description of her does not list anything that’s a big deal. I get that she has an IEP at school. I have 14 years of experience dealing with IEPs for my son from kindergarten through 12th grade, until he graduated in 2011.


Why on earth would they adopt her siblings without her? In mentioning it, it’s obvious they grew up together! She also does not seem like a girl who has been in care for very long, and she knows how to knit, which is a huge bonus! She can teach me!

The only thing I can think of is that it was her half siblings, and there was a family member who would take them, but rejected her, and they had to do the family placement for the younger siblings.

If it was older siblings, I would think they would be in a treatment home while she was free to be adopted by a “regular” family because she’s good.

I *know* I would have to have a home study done to be able to ask the caseworker for specifics. I am looking for experiences from other foster to adopt families, or just theories.

Best answer:

Answer by CarbonDated
There are obviously many reasons. She might be disruptive. She maybe has been seriously ignored within her family. They mention need for structure and that may not be possible with all the other siblings. Also, keep in mind that while someone may have been open to adopting the other siblings, maybe they could only take 3 and she is number 4 and they just can’t manage that many.

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Q&A: What do you do at an “information session” for foster care?

Question by amyhpete: What do you do at an “information session” for foster care?
Look. I know the drill of foster care. My birth mom and her husband adopted four kids from foster care, years after I was gone and at the time she had cleaned up from drugs. She didn’t have children during her years of drug use in California, and Iowa didn’t care when she came back here, apparently. Their record, obviously, was okay to adopt, and they did and they did great. Also, when I was a kid, my parents, who were guidance counselors, had foster children in our home.

I *get the concept* of foster care. I am very willing to take the classes. I already know I want to do it, along with my husband. I will take the classes, do the home study, and every single other hoop to jump through. I know what I’m doing, because I’ve seen it done.

Can’t they give a knowledge test so you can get out of the meeting in another city just to foster to adopt?

I don’t want to wait for a match with some random child they send us, who might not fit our family.

I want this child! She would be amazing in our family! I was adopted and I have always wanted to give to a child in this way!


I have 14 years of experience with IEPs with my other children. I get signed up on KidsNet, and they’re wanting me to go with my husband to this informational meeting. I ask them to send me the agenda and a summary of the materials in advance so I can tell them I already know everything and they decline.

It is so frustrating. Yes, I get that it’s just one day out of our lives, and yes, I’m willing to give that for Lizzie. I wish we could do the home study first. That way, if they don’t feel we’re the right family for Lizzie, I can tell them fine and forget the whole thing, until I see another kid on Iowa Kids Net that might fit our family. But it would be months for me to get over being rejected by Lizzie or her caseworker..

I wish they would do the home study and say either a) yes, we might be a possible match for Lizzie and can go forward; or b) they hate us and would never send Lizzie to us and we should fuck off.

At least I would know. Is that so much to ask???
I should have said “14 years of experience with IEPs with my other *child*” I have one special education child, D, who is now a 19 year old adult. I would want to get him a studio apartment set up in our basement so he could have some of his own space and be away from the fray of our 9 year old son, B, and his new sister, Lizzie, playing together. It’s not that I have other special needs children to raise, really. D has high functioning autism, and I’m going to get him his own comic store, eventually, as comics and digital art are his thing, and it’s unlikely he could function at a different job.

My 16 year old daughter, C, is well on her way to ROTC at University of Iowa in 2 years, so while she’d be a wonderful role model to Lizzie and would love a younger sister, quite honestly, they won’t know each other that well. So the only big issue is whether Lizzie and B want to be brother and sister.

Best answer:

Answer by Dena K
No, I don’t think you “get” foster care or foster care adoption.

Yes, you do have to go to the information session. And contrary to what you might think, you probably do not know everything. You obviously don’t know that you shouldn’t tell the social workers that they should send you the agenda in advance and then you cam tell them you know everything. Do you realize how exceedingly arrogant that probably sounded to them? Who are you to them? They don’t know you. All they know is that you are some person who thinks you can just skip over the rules and regulations. Sorry, but for someone who says that she is willing to jump through all the hoops, you don’t act as if you want to jump through all the hoops. It sounds as if you only want to jump through the ones *you* want to jump through.

And as for Lizzie, how do you know she will be amazing in your family. How do you know that your family will be amazing for Lizzie. All you know is the little blurb that the agency puts on the photo listing to get attention. Trust me, you don’t even know the half of who and what Lizzie is. They don’t put ALL the behaviors of the child on those listings. These listings are teasers.

Lastly, you won’t be matched with some random child. That isn’t how adoption from foster care works. If you go to the information session, you would probably find out how it actually does work.

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Q&A: Facts about foster children?

Question by : Facts about foster children?
ok can you give me some info for relitives on things about foster children like what they would ask you.
also if you live in 1 state and a foster children that seems right for you is in a diffrent state can you still be their fost parent?
by state to state i mean like massachusets and new hampshire
also how much does it cost to adopt?

Best answer:

Answer by Kristi Howard
Your second question is easier, so I’ll answer it first.

YES, you CAN adopt a child that seems like a match from another state, but most states will frown on that idea until you exhaust a certain amount of time waiting for a match in your state.

BE VERY WARY of photolistings from other states. I KNOW how hard that is. But the sad reality is that most of the children you see on photolistings are considered the hardest children to place…having gone through multiple placements or have lots of trauma or abuse that need better qualified parents that the state hasn’t found for them, hence trying a photo listing to give a home for those children.

Your first question…it’s kind of vague. Are you meaning that you want information to give to your relatives, like what they (social services) would ask them?

If that is the case, they’ll ask them all about you, and even if they feel you would make a good parent. They’ll ask if you have any criminal record you haven’t mentioned, how well you pay your bills, how invested you seem to be in having children.

Now, if you twist this question the other way I took it, dealing with the foster children’s relatives…well, I can only go by what brief experiences I have had with a quick email meeting with my kid’s aunt.

She basically was just thrilled to hear from us, wanted to know how the kids were doing, and gave addresses should the kids decide to write them, etc. There’s really not much you can do or ask in that situation.

I don’t have much experience in the “foster” side of things, because even though we were foster/adopt parents, our kids were placed with us as an adoptive placement, meaning that they were placed with us with the sole intention of adoption, and after the waiting period, we were legally allowed to adopt them.

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my mom wanna adopt a child and she wanna kno is there a wibsitre she can go to, to look at pictures of kids?

Question by MixedMamii: my mom wanna adopt a child and she wanna kno is there a wibsitre she can go to, to look at pictures of kids?
she can adopt and she said she don’t want a specal needs child

Best answer:

Answer by Erica N
There are several, a good one is www.adoption.com (there is a link for a photo list about two thirds down the page). Another is www.adoptuskids.com

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