Why do so many foster children need to be the youngest in the house hold? Is it a deal breaker?

Question by Erica: Why do so many foster children need to be the youngest in the house hold? Is it a deal breaker?
Over the past seven years my father and step-mother have adopted four children. I would like to grow my family the same way, only I already have a toddler of my own and I plan on having at least one more baby. Many of the children’s descriptions on photo-listing sites state that the child should be the youngest in the house-hold. Why is this? And is it a “deal breaker” or could I still be concidered?
Sorry, what I should have said is that the descriptions state that the child should be the youngest child OR only child in the home.

Is it possible that such a statement means that the child is harmful towards younger siblings?

Best answer:

Answer by Md8kn
in my view i think it is for the support and nurturing which older siblings can provide for the younger ones in the family…it should be remembered i feel that many if not the majority of children up for fostering or adoption are in this position due to a family crisis or problem which may have left them physically, emotionally or phychologically marked, also they may themselves be only children. Also the considered needs of the parents ability to meet the care needs of a larger family is looked at for the same reasons. I would think though that unless the child information states it the options are open because there are so many older children who desperatly need this support also so i would not prosume you would be excluded at all ….. hope this helped and good luck with such a worthwhile and rewarding venture.

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5 thoughts on “Why do so many foster children need to be the youngest in the house hold? Is it a deal breaker?”

  1. Each child profile has a different reason, it may be the child has suffered trauma and needs extra attention, or it could be behavioural issues. You must consider what is best for the child, and go from there. If you are wanting to strucutre your family in this manner, you may want to find a child who does not need to be the youngest, or wait until you have had all of your birth children.

    Good luck.

  2. Many children up for adoption have been neglected, abused,or abandoned. Many have missed developmental milestones, and haven’t experienced nurturing and may still be grieving for their birthparents. They may have problems bonding. They need alot of attention that has nothing to do with them abusing younger children. They bring alot of habits that will be modeled to younger children. For example, my adoped child still does things he observed his older foster sister doing. She was in the second grade when he was born and stayed with us through high school. She had been beaten by her low functioning birth mother’s live in and molested by her birth dad. Low self esteem and acting out sexually were only a part of the problem. She sometimes abused the family pet (like spraying cleaners in the dog’s eyes).I always kept my eyes open and kept her in counselling. I fostered 15 children, including this girl’s brother. I like to think that I gave her a good childhood. We still talk at least once a week. She graduated high school, has a really good job, maintains her apartment nicely, and has lots of friends.

  3. It could mean that the child could be harmful – ie – if the child has been sexually abused.
    Most likely I would think it is because these kids have had a very rough time in their short lives – and they need parents that will give them the greatest amount of attention. Usually only children or youngest children get the most attention.
    These kids need parents to be front and centre to their needs.
    So – maybe not a ‘deal breaker’ always – but you really need to understand what you’re taking on.
    Keep in mind also – that many of the issues the child has – may NEVER totally go away. So don’t think – oh – they should be over that by now. They’ll have lifelong issues – that will need lots of time, love and attention to help in the healing process.

  4. When they ask that a child be the youngest / only child in the family it is due to abuse, neglect and serious emotional issues that the child has. Most of the children on the internet photo listings are special needs situations. You’re best bet if you want to adopt and not have to worry about special case scenerios or ages of children in the home is to go through an agency or seek out help finding an indepedent situation (which will require you to have a home study still as well as a lawyer in place).

    Good luck.

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